I guess you can call this a shrine to my dog. She's standoffish to almost everyone but me even though I call her a worm and a misogynist. Despite my harsh words she doesn't understand and in fact believes are terms of endearment based on how her little feathery tail wags, she's my baby. And yeah, I am insufferable about it! That's why I've made this page.
This is the beast, Ivy.
She gets meaner every year she's alive and she's only 7. Still, she's really sweet when she wants to be, and has accidentally become a faux representative of our friend group, albeit under a different name. Ivy is always heard when I'm trying to have a voice call with someone, a constant shuffling, drooling, licking, or whining noise, because why would you ever look at anything besides this dog!!
Ivy is the smallest dog I've ever been around and it fucks me up so much. She's exactly the size of a baby, and is the exact perfect shape to place on my chest and hold, tucking her little head on my shoulder. She's so spoiled it's not even funny, and I thought the first dog I had was rotten. This creature is two steps away from asking to bathe in a diamond tub.
Now listen, this one isn't my fault. Credit where it's due, Poopshitter is a shared creation of mine and Dannie's. Once I shared a really good picture of Ivy, because I thought it was funny. I joked that by the time I'd woken up, that image would be a Discord emoji labeled some "nonsense like 'Poopshitter'" and surprise!!
This is poopshitter.
Romy says that poopshitter looks like the high Ghostface from Scary Movie and the resemblance is pretty uncanny. I can't even remember why she made that face. Maybe she *was* high. She's a very nervous dog, when it's gonna be stressful on her we try to give her like, doggie valium. Maybe this happened after that.
The Legend of Shitpoop
Shitpoop is Poopshitter's evil twin. She is vicious and cruel, and delights in causing problems, where Poopshitter is kind and holy (also demonstrating just HOW fictional Poopshitter is compared to my actual dog). Shitpoop tragically died. I don't know why it was just funny to have a funeral for her.
The real life origin of the Shitpoop image is SUPPOSED to be an Easter lamb cake, but it looks more like my crusty beloved Maltese than any damn lamb I've ever seen. That said, if this is your cake, thank you, because it brings me and my friends constant, unsurpassed joy.
A 2022 Update: Images of the Thing
I recently went through a buncha files and my old phone and I've located some EXCELLENT Ivies. Check this shit out.
(disgusted at this guy idk him)
advocate for BTS meal (exclusively the meal)
a baby picture (take note of how her nose is heart shaped, NOT button shaped, as well as the fact she hasn't grown in her eyeliner yet. also she is the size of a large baked potato)
All hail the crusty-eyed white dog.